01/28/20

…

Before the sky was a lordly obelisk

when the vanic, verdant Earth was simply

haloed in watery breaths to helix a trail

We were wild together

The pleasures of ripe, of juice, of warm were atmospheric

We grew strong and noble

So proud of each other

exalted by the praise of one

so admirable, so lovely, so capable

I knew we would ever live to dazzle, to be in awe

Lover twins, we dwelled in honor together

under the ocean of our ancestors’ air

as they stood on around us

a food forest home

…

We meet now under the telescopic sky

under layers of stories of untellable, infinite

unknowable horror replaced with layers of lies

layers of putrid bodies, poisoned land, acid skies

The water runs out of our hands remembering us

The water must be confused

We come to each other confused

…

I stand on the ground in front of you

but you do not see me

You stand on the ground in front of me

but you are infatuated with the sky

The monolith speaks to you in quiet tones

It purrs to you that you can have anything, that you can do anything

that you can be anything

but it is not true

You have forgotten what is true

you would like to be a sky god

you would like your name to outlive the sun and the glory of the better story than your life echo out inside that name forever

you would like sovereignty

You have forgotten that your name is a pattern

older than the sun and that we are the truth’s repercussion

from the inside out

I remember, because the monolith does not speak to me

It shows me the world from behind your eyes

and your hands instead

I learn about your god this way

From the things you tell me

from how you touch things

from how you don’t see

…

I have come here for you

but you do not recognize me

and I do not expect this to be painless or easy

I have forgotten some things too

things that only you remember

but I cannot tell when you are lying

because you no longer know the difference

between your voices

You don’t know the truth to say it

..

You have grabbed me, tugged at me, taken from me

carelessly and without regard

You’ve plunged and prodded and pounded and pulled

and plundered and pinned and punctured and pilloried

You’ve lied that you’ve mistaken me

said that I desired, sought and enjoyed all of these things

that you believed that

that I was so convincing

…

All of these things you do now

…

You push and overpower and I wait for you to see me

you say you are selfish and greedy and need more

and couldn’t careless and that you are very visual

and I do not believe you

I hold you off as best I can and wait for you to see me

…

I know what I feel like under your hands

I have forgotten how to eat

I know what you see when you look at me

I have forgotten how to be inside myself

You say sex, but you mean rape and you do not know this

With the whisper in your ear, you cannot tell the difference

I know what your initiative means for me

I have forgotten how to stop you, you are not a stranger

I do not want to hurt your feelings

You do not hear me wait

you do not see that you have hurt everything,

you still say you see something convincing

…

You lie, but it is you

I can see you wondering

The whisper is gone and a question turns over in your mind

You are not convinced

…

You say you are a thrall, that you are not my kin

that you are undeserving

and I do not believe you

I wait

…

A murmur moves across your eyes and reclaims you

again you morph into a creature dwarfed

by its own grandiosity

holding your hoard of treasured information hostage

for the price of my body

You look at it and see nothing

I am here to take you home with me

lost forest for my trees, I am no stranger to sacrifice

I cannot make you leave the sweet, loaded words

that move your hands so predictably, so brutally

but maybe I can help you remember

…

Remember Body?

…

You are standing in front of me

under layers I believed

layers of men who have convinced me

Their bodies cover you with plague

So pervasive, so sudden

So many brothers

husks the voice had moved through

…

You say that you are one of them

that you are dead, but I do not believe you

…

I think you are buried in poisoned ground

with the water rising

I think you must be so hungry

…

I stand on the bridge with my hand out for you

but you are confused

I am strong

I stand on the bridge

with my hand outstretched in offering to you

I am the bridge to take you home

 under which you would hide and claim

or destroy to keep from sharing

but I am brave

I stand over your mass grave and I offer you my hand

…

All around there are the bells my sisters and I have left

millions of little knots forming the cords that reach down

 to still bones, billions of little twists making the threads

     to be knotted, trillions of flowers, uprooted, soaked, threshed

         to be spun into thread

so many lives

so many little things left behind in disbelief

All around me is silence

…

I put my hands in your hands that you might see them

…

Remember Moon?

….

Gibbous quick

Crescent nail

Motion without conquest

Stillness without strain

grip, bond, hold, slide

caress

…

Remember Caress?

…

I see you in there

I feel your vision flicker

knuckle, wrist, forearm, palm, story, crack, crevasse, crag

…

caress

You feel my hand and try to remember caress

you cannot stand caress

you are on fire

The reaching light flares up and retreats

but does not let go

Here

Still here

…

It is so risky

…

Heart, I offer heart

…

I put my hands on you in love

like the ward I could never do in defense

Your breast is a soft valley that seems endless and deep

hair, skin, fat, muscle, bone, lung, heart

…

Remember Heart?

…

I am looking into you

who doesn’t get stared at and takes being seen for granted

You see me by accident this way

In paralysis

I see you focus

the feel of pulse pulling life down into your body

I can feel your palms tingling, your shins crawling

your feet itching,your hairs standing on end

your nipples go hard below the sides of my hands

…

An admonishment in gentle, chiding lilt

is fading in the background of you

It grows more frantic and volatile

moving you through jerky motions you gradually still

as it begins to shriek

about being hard, being loyal, being brother

…

I begin to solidify in front of you

All the grotesque parts are floated down

from dislocation into real

You are my brother

You cannot yet face what it means to be loyal

The thought races through you

and I let you face that alone

in your own time

…

At last, you are still

At last, you see the twin you have for so long forsaken

for the fallacy of a coup

for there can be no replacement

Not for me

Not for you

You are my kin, my kind

and once we dwelled in honour together

content

and I would so dwell again

…

Your hands, once groping and possessive

now flounder with uncertain memory

almost trustworthy

…

I take your face in my hands

around your jaw like a chalice

my fingers a lacy fringe between your ears and eyes

where I have so loved to see crinkles curl rolls

into the pathways your laughing tears will take

around your cheekbone

…

I touch my body to your body

…

So risky

…

I gaze into you

open

a dam broken

our tears an ocean of shaky breaths

…

Remember Soft?

…

tender

a pool rippling at every touch

sensitive

I know where you are sensitive

I caress you in ways you cannot touch yourself

I am careful with you like you do not know

to be careful with me

…

You remember hard

…

You are hungry

you are not yet trustworthy

but I am willing to risk

to sacrifice to bring you back with me

and so

…

I offer water

…

I set you adrift in one side of pleasure

You cannot tell when I am not convincing

because you’ve only just noticed that I am there

My beauty is benevolence

a waterfall of hair to drown you in woman

…

Remember Water?

…

I can feel you struggling upwards

the life coursing through you now

…

You remember being in awe

…

Starving, you are reaching for the cord to sound the bell

…

You remember my praise

…

You are reaching out to return the pleasures

of ripe, of juice, of warm

….

You desire to delight

…

You are caressing me

you are slowing down to listen for me waiting

you are listing for the bell, hoping I will hear you from below

The voice destroyed, you are listening to me

…

We are together now

our movements gentle with electric tension

tiny ripples like shockwaves of raw sense

together arching, together crossing

together timeless in a rollicking void

Come with me

Lover

Lover

come back with me

Come back with me

for once, we dwelled in honour together

and we would so dwell again

…

Tintinnabulation is a poem about what is happening, not what I wish to be happening, not what I think is a good idea.  It is about what women have long done and long suffered for doing.  It is too much to ask of women that we put our bodies on the line for men to whom we simply are not real.  Besides which, we have more pressing tasks.  It is my most fervent conviction that it ought not to be this way and that we should set about changing it as soon as possible.  I strongly urge men to stop exhibiting such deathliness, least we become convinced.          -TLF

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